There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
