My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
