I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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