somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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