Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
