dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
