meet me or not, i'm out of control
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
