Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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