in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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