Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
