Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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