her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
