so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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