I look better un-naked...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
