he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
