Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
