How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
