Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
