Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
