I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
