ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
