He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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