He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop