How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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