New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?