we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.