I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I could make wine with my vomit
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
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I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
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You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS