my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?