It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"