6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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