oh god the rape fog is back!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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