Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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