the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
