you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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