I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
its liver damage thursday
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