Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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