Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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  (970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj
  Replies (44) Good night (18443) Bad night (1311)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.

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  (+44): how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it. http://tfl.nu/3ndz
  Replies (8) Good night (1205) Bad night (3810)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.

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  (604): 5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real. http://tfl.nu/vlat
  Replies (7) Good night (5204) Bad night (1237)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this

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  (605): Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this http://tfl.nu/ch0i
  Replies (19) Good night (1206) Bad night (2913)
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  (626): View more from California

  He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.

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  (626): He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex. http://tfl.nu/kqx4
  Replies (7) Good night (3829) Bad night (1357)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.

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  (717): you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats. http://tfl.nu/2ggd
  Replies (6) Good night (1868) Bad night (835)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING

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  (812): And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING http://tfl.nu/tkug
  Replies (14) Good night (2096) Bad night (1190)
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  (310): View more from California

  Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?

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  (310): Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end? http://tfl.nu/mjc4
  Replies (3) Good night (1900) Bad night (646)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.

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  (757): I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration. http://tfl.nu/xlpu
  Replies (5) Good night (1367) Bad night (611)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day

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  (215): just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day http://tfl.nu/2xr8
  Replies (5) Good night (1371) Bad night (548)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.

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  (479): The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it. http://tfl.nu/6rje
  Replies (7) Good night (1278) Bad night (429)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.

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  (309): Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros. http://tfl.nu/cejf
  Replies (5) Good night (659) Bad night (356)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?

  (972): View more from Texas

  This is why american education is failing

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  (469): Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover? (972): This is why american education is failing http://tfl.nu/dkmi
  Replies (4) Good night (797) Bad night (448)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.

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  (412): just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks. http://tfl.nu/072o
  Replies (7) Good night (684) Bad night (254)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem

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  (850): You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem http://tfl.nu/nosq
  Replies (1) Good night (356) Bad night (116)

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