Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?

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  (650): Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls? http://tfl.nu/pg74
  Replies (9) Good night (799) Bad night (1469)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...

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  (202): if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess... http://tfl.nu/v82v
  Replies (10) Good night (1250) Bad night (2772)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  $1 pitcher night should be outlawed.

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  (859): $1 pitcher night should be outlawed. http://tfl.nu/2dye
  Replies (38) Good night (5306) Bad night (855)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  clearly you are not from wisconsin

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  (763): dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve (608): clearly you are not from wisconsin http://tfl.nu/j6wr
  Replies (104) Good night (7733) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

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  (231): Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward. http://tfl.nu/juz7
  Replies (18) Good night (7219) Bad night (1962)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.

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  (610): So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though. http://tfl.nu/xgce
  Replies (5) Good night (2309) Bad night (1388)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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  (360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn
  Replies (24) Good night (5209) Bad night (2026)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.

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  (386): Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am. http://tfl.nu/mad5
  Replies (7) Good night (1541) Bad night (674)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis

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  (909): If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis http://tfl.nu/ldcq
  Replies (2) Good night (1693) Bad night (579)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?

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  (816): There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/cxgm
  Replies (2) Good night (763) Bad night (433)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car

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  (803): Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car http://tfl.nu/8fhk
  Replies (6) Good night (1105) Bad night (491)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.

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  (541): I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways. http://tfl.nu/pmkq
  Replies (3) Good night (749) Bad night (285)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD

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  (914): DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD http://tfl.nu/a868
  Replies (3) Good night (883) Bad night (282)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Regret, thy taste is box wine.

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  (317): Regret, thy taste is box wine. http://tfl.nu/587h
  Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.

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  (919): I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day. http://tfl.nu/lt26
  Replies (4) Good night (801) Bad night (208)

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