Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.