Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.