So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
