I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
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I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
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you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun