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So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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