I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
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Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face