ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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