This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
