I'm jealous of your bromance
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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