Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
