Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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