the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
