Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
