Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
