i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
