the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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