Old men and throwing up are my life now.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
