why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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