I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
