On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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