I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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