I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
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I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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