this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
