ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
