he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
