i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
