Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
