Church boner. Awkwardddd
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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