This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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