he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
