Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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