i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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