i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
