I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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