you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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