His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
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There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
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