I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Houston, we have a blender
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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