He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
